Hi everyone, Frank N. Foode™ here. I may not have managed to tweet during the BIO convention last week, but I’ve sure been having a ball of a time on twitter lately.
A month ago, I talked someone down from freaking out about sugar cane because she learned it was a cross between two species. As an allopolyploid, it contains all the genes from two species combined. I likened it to a GMO, which has 1 or more new genes inserted into it. But what’s one or two genes compared to tens of thousands??? I think the only sugar she’s avoiding now is high fructose corn syrup. Success..?
As an after-effect of chatting with me, one tweep ended up joining GMO Pundit David Tribe for a Skype conversation. I think I’m getting a hang of these 140 characters. Anastasia and Pam are experts, but I hear Karl refuses to do it. It must be nice to have all those fingers to type long posts with, but this is perfect for the ends of my husks to handle. This is the kind of social media I like!
So far, I think I’m the only plant in the Twitterverse, but people are starting to accept me for who I am. 
People used to think I was working for The Man, but I’ve got such an independent streak that I don’t think I ever could. Frank N. Foode™ is a free plant!
And another Frank, last name Plughoff, is talking a lot about me on twitter. He goes by “Earthnik“, and calls himself a “STAUNCH GMO OPPONENT!” Whoa, back off on the caps, man. I didn’t take much notice until I heard that he publishes The Earthnik Gazette, and the latest issue is out today, and has a feature about me! Yippie!
Whoops, looks like he misspelled my name, but the jokes are still good as they can be. I laughed at the thought of Biofortified’s thoughtful, bookish authors being “spinmeisters.” I’ve seen them dance, it’s mostly jumping. You know who really knows how to spin? Jeffrey Smith. Literally, too!
And the part at the end is a fantastic use of hyperbole! The Earthnik Gazette is the best thing in parody since Sarah Palin. She’s a joke, right?
But one thing did hurt my feelings. (Yes, even plants can get stressed out.) I wanted to “follow” Earthnik on Twitter so I could read more of his excellent parodical periodicals, but when I did that, I was met with this:
“This user has blocked you from following them.”
What?
The dirty underhanded bugger! That’s some anti-social media there.
And he even took a potshot at my friend Michael Pollan:
I thought about reaching down from my perch on the mantle to tap Michael and the shoulder and ask him what he thought. But I bet this kinda stuff is water off a waxy leaf for him. I should harden up, too.
Well, hey, so it’s not all popcorn and bubblegum in the Web 2.0 World – but at least I can look forward to some new scents – why did no one tell me I had two options!?
It’s interesting how people can become so consumed in conspiracy theories that they loose their grasp on reality.
My one thought is that I want a Frank plushie. Hopefully I can get one before all the kids get one, so that I can, in a few decades, state that I had one before they were cool.
Maybe there will be some Frank plushies in the future. They will come with crack-laced HFCS candy cigarrettes to help get the kiddies hooked, of course.
OMG–I hope they don’t find out about our marketing diseases to children via GIANTmicrobes….
We’ll never be able to sell all those vaccines and antibiotics and stuff.
I actually have the impression that Earthnik’s point is that people shouldn’t spend so much time and money on invented controversies over food when there’s actually serious problems to be solved.
But then, I’m easily fooled. For the longest time I thought freeganism was a hoax. http://freegan.info/